Family conflict appears to be causing so much stress to our kids that they are five times more stressed than at the height of the Great Depression says Canadian research professor Stuart Shanker. Adding to the stress pile is television, social media and crowded city living, leaving our kids struggling for some inner calm. And it’s inner calm that is needed for us to “self-regulate” which is our ability to manage our own energy states, emotions, behaviours and attention in ways that are positive.
From a very early age, my daughter would self regulate by looking at me for reassurance. When she couldn’t see me, such as in the car, she couldn’t self regulate and would become very upset. We are hard wired to self regulate to establish balance and if our ability to self regulate is interrupted, such as with stress, things go pear shaped. Little nervous systems become terribly overstimulated!
The amount of time spent on computers and watching TV is rapidly overtaking the time spent on exercise, outdoor play and social interaction. The promotion of narcissism through media and social values leaves young children with very little ability to show empathy and read other peoples body language, which is an invaluable social skill.
Ways to increase Your Child’s Ability to Self Regulate
- Sports, music, yoga and non-competitive Tae-Kwon-do all play an incredible role at helping kids regulate themselves
- Work out your child’s stressors – what helps them stay calm and what leaves them hyper aroused?
- Ensure they are getting as much sleep as possible. This is the time they process information and lay down most of the neurological patterns
- Mindfulness – get them to connect in with how they are feeling by using an analogy of a car engine. Do you feel that the car engine is running really fast, really slow or just right?
- Play as it encourages communication and valuable social skills
